by Charles Barnard
Practice better thoughts and develop emotional intelligence. Those are words must be more than just a tag line. They are structured as a command and well they should be. Over the past two months I lived how important they are and how easy it is to miss the signs that they may not have been lived out as they should. It is a heartbreaking lesson I hope to help others avoid.
As a teacher and life coach, I have understood the importance of practicing better thoughts and developing emotional intelligence. It has been an integral part of what I have done for thirty years. My wife was also an educator who impacted the lives of hundreds during her teaching career which was tragically cut short. On June 8, my wife of 28 years was diagnosed with cancer. On July 22 she succumbed to that insidious disease.
According to an article published in Psychology Today, emotional intelligence refers to “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Emotional intelligence is generally said to include a few skills: namely emotional awareness, or the ability to identify and name one’s own emotions; the ability to harness those emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes both regulating one’s own emotions when necessary and helping others to do the same.” My wife had a very high emotional intelligence when it came to helping others regulate their own emotions. She epitomized kindness and compassion which helped so many over the years deal with the trials and tribulations they experienced in living. As it turned out, she was not as skilled at managing them herself as we thought.
The day after her diagnosis I posted an article and the last line of that article I wrote, “‘It’s cancer’ does not mean it is death.” It is true. It doesn’t. If, however, you are not careful and miss the warning signs, it may be too late for your body to recover. Practicing better thoughts and developing emotional intelligence has a profound impact on the prevention of disease, in particular cancer. My wife and I both knew that. We both understood the importance of managing your emotions. Our mistake was not recognizing the signs that my wife was not doing this until it was too late.
In my eulogy at her memorial service, which was attended by several hundred, I borrowed a line from Don McLean’s song Vincent – this world was never meant for one as beautiful as… my wife.
My wife’s legacy was her genuine kindness and compassion. It was this large heart and the inability to let go of the negative emotions – the stress – she was feeling from the dark clouds that had descended on her much beloved high school that became the cancer in her body. I assumed that the venting she did and the “bitch” sessions with her closest colleagues were helping her let go. I think she did too. We missed the tell-tale signs that she wasn’t really letting go. Primarily, we missed her fatigue as a warning sign.
With her fatigue came less exercise which compounded the problem, as did the diminishing amount of quality sleep. Had we paid more attention to those warning signs, we likely would have been able to either prevent the cancer from taking root or caught it early enough to have treated it. By the time I finally did my Time-Line Therapy work with her, the cancer had spread and her liver had been under attack for too long. Cancer became death.
My lesson to all of you reading these words is to emphasize the importance of heading the command to practice better thoughts and develop emotional intelligence. In my work, I stress applying HEAT to your life. Develop the habits of emotional and attitude training. It could save your life. Regular fatigue is an early warning sign that you may not be letting go of the stress in your life. Heed it. It is a warning that maybe you need some help to practice better thoughts and develop emotional intelligence. Anyone who has received an initial diagnosis of cancer, I now work with at no cost. Freeing your mind and body of negativity may be the best chance of having your body and whatever medical approach is recommended work in concert to overcome the cancer. It is also true for many other diseases.
Heed the warning signs of fatigue and stress. Practice better thoughts. Develop your emotional intelligence. Apply HEAT to your life. Live gratefully and joyously by living out a life of love. Love protects. Love yourself. Protect yourself. Love those who love you. Protect your health. Practice better thoughts. Develop emotional intelligence. Work on Mastering Your Growth Mindset.
