$30,091 is the average in-state tuition of over 800 of the top state universities in the United States. For the typical full-time student taking five classes per semester that is over $3000 per class. Most of the people I know who went to college did so when prices weren’t quite so exorbitant, but even so, college was expensive. I don’t know anyone who said it wasn’t worth it, but nearly all of them say there were things they wished they had learned in college but never did. Those things they mention can be found under one particular category – mindset.
If you stop and do a thought experiment for a moment, I think you will fully appreciate the importance of mindset. In this thought experiment I want you to imagine two people. The first person believes ability is primarily genetically determined and improvement is relatively small while the other person believes genetics plays a limited role in determining your ability to achieve results. The first person believes only those with connections, or the privileged will get ahead so there is no reason to dream big dreams while the other person believes opportunity is constantly knocking at the door you just need to listen for the knock and be ready to open the door. The first person believes businesses are just about making a profit and don’t care about people while government agencies are just about power and control while the other person believes providing service to others and looking out for their best interest is the best way to serve yourself and to have lasting success. The first person believes that criticism from others stems from their jealousy or innate desire to put you down so they can get ahead while the other person believes criticism is the only sure way to improve and become better. The first person believes that failing means they aren’t capable while the other person doesn’t believe in failure, they only believe each “failure” is a step in the process to success. Of those two people who do you think will have more professional success, better relationships, better health, and live a longer, happier life?
In the above thought experiment the first person exhibited beliefs associated with a fixed mindset or what I refer to as a defeatist’s mindset while the second person exhibited the beliefs associated with a growth mindset or the mindset of a champion. Beliefs and the attitude that stems from them are not static. Beliefs can change. The saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks is not true. The longer you have limiting beliefs and the negative emotions such as fear that are typically associated with the limiting beliefs the greater the challenge you will have in letting them go. It may not be easy, but it is possible. The ease to which it is possible in part depends on how willing and motivated you are to change. If you are so cynical to believe you can’t change and see no need to change then your failure to change becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If it is indeed accurate to say that your mindset will play a more important role in your ability to live a long, healthy, and happy life, it would behoove us to do the utmost to train a mindset that would more likely lead to success. Helping children develop a success mindset really is the domain of parenting although schools can play an important and powerful role.
Parents instill belief systems in their children by modeling what is right and wrong. The values you profess and live out will shape the beliefs and values your children hold dear. Undoubtedly, popular culture and the educational system have a powerful, powerful influence on shaping those beliefs and values as well. When popular culture and the educational system’s beliefs and values aren’t in alignment with the parent’s problems can arise. The messages are not always so obvious, and those subliminal messages can be the most damaging. For these reasons, and because parents are likely to have never been educated on how to influence behavior, it becomes necessary for parents to find the right tools to help shape their child’s mindset.
It is important to understand that our uniqueness as humans means no one knows how any individual will interpret events that happen to them. We all have our own unique filters in our unconscious mind that will factor into how we give meaning to events. Some of those filters parents, coaches, teachers, friends, and so on will influence. Some they won’t. There are principles and general guidelines that can help us shape those beliefs and values and counteract negative influences. If your child begins to voice statements about how they aren’t good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough, athletic enough, or any other disparaging self-talk there are some effective tools parents can learn to interrupt those patterns and embed better beliefs. As the child gets older and more mature it would be very beneficial if the teenager would begin to learn how to become their own Life Coach. Consider those skills preventative medicine.
Before heading off to college if your high school student learned how to identify and eliminate limiting decisions and let go of unresolved negative emotions don’t you think that would be incredibly beneficial? If they learned emotional management and attitude management skills and techniques while also developing the habits that apply them wouldn’t that be incredibly beneficial? Then if your child began to learn about and adopt thirteen important character traits that when possessed cause them to be natural leaders, that would have great value, would it not? How valuable would it be for them to have the “it” factor? How valuable would it be to not only be congruent in your faith but to understand what drives and motivates people of other faiths, and not just religious faith? Developing the characteristics that leads to faithfulness would be valuable, wouldn’t it? How about learning about and addressing principles for improved communications within families and between friends, wouldn’t that be invaluable? Developing positive beliefs and behaviors around your mind and body I would imagine would be of great value. Learning to know yourself and align your beliefs and values while shaping your character in a way that improves relationships, physical and emotional health and well-being, and creates resiliency in the face of life’s trials and tribulations would be important, would it not? Finally, learning about money and wealth management from not only a technical standpoint but a psychological standpoint would be quite beneficial, don’t you agree? That is a four-year major worth a lot more than the $30,091 average tuition for one year of a state university education, wouldn’t you say?
Much of the knowledge and some of the emotional management skills are not new. They have been known, used, and taught for generations. The problem has been and probably always will be getting people to apply them to their life. It is all about creating the habits. Habit creation takes personal responsibility, motivation, accountability, and follow through. On average a daily habit takes 66 consecutive days to form. We humans tend to take the path of least resistance and unfortunately the laws of the nature say that bad habits are the path of least resistance and therefor it is easier to form bad habits than good habits.
High school is an ideal age to begin this curriculum, but until school systems begin to make appropriate changes it is left to the parents. The challenge for parents is motivating and challenging their child to do more schoolwork. There are solutions, such as taking advantage of home school laws to get high school credit for outside courses and taking advantage of study halls in school to access other courses. The most powerful tool of all though is doing the mindset training with your child. You all benefit in ways that goes far beyond shifting mindsets. It isn’t easy, but then again anything worth doing isn’t supposed to be easy. The best educational value is training your mindset and training your character. The sooner you get started the longer you have to enjoy the benefits.
